If caught up in your perfidy, double down on your lies.
If under GOP scrutiny, defy then deny, deny and deny.
If you don't care to answer, pop off some stupid reply.
If asked about Hunter, tell'em Hunter's not high.
If asked about stolen elections, bring up insurrection.
If caught in a quandary, never make a confession.
If you're being trolled, don't you dare take the bait.
Put off your next presser, to a far distant date.
When Doocy is hounding you, it's okay to scream NO!!
 Everyone's sick of your stories, so shut your piehole.
About coke in the White House, you blame it on Trump.
Or bend over slowly saying, you can kiss my old rump.
You don't cop to anything, learn to roll with your lies.
If questions hit close to home, you must not act surprised.
If you're getting confused, get the hell off the stage.
Later from your safe space, say you felt a sudden malaise.
Forget your idiotic twostep, you ain't no spring chicken.
Don't stand in one place to long, or your blood will thicken.
The next time you faceplant, don't jump up acting chipper.
You're a bungling old man, a weak kneed day-tripper.
Quit yelling "Don't Jump", people think you're brain dead.
 You say you're not joking, means you're joking instead.
We don't have a queen, so you don't need to bless her.
Try not to mention tyranny, because you're the oppressor.
Whatever you do, keep your creepy old hands off the kids.
And that thing sniffing hair,  put that crap on the skids.
You're not good ole Uncle Joe, you're a creepy old man.
Remember the next time you're in the public, this is the plan.
D.L. Crockett -- 8/1/23